What Are Sperm Donors Really Donating?
I recently read an interesting article by Dr. Michael Brown entitled “The Kids Are Not Always Alright” and it had a very interesting poem highlighted in it from a young lady who found out that her dad isn’t really her dad. Instead, her biological father was a sperm donor. She decided to write a poem and post it on the anonymousus.org website. Her poem is titled “Uncertainty is Killing Me” and this is what she had to write:
Who are you?
Will I pass you in the street?
Will you hold the door for me and smile as I walk into a gas station during my travels?
Will you look at me and wonder if I belong to you?
You have the pleasure of knowing I could be here.
For nineteen years, I was denied of knowing you even existed.
What was MY grandmother, YOUR mother like?
What about MY grandfather, YOUR father?
Why do you get to selfishly keep them all to yourself?
Who are you to deny me half of my family tree–
Branches rich and strong with stories I may never be told?
Who are you to give away my heritage, knowing it will be replaced with something false?
Do I have brothers and sisters with my dark hair, my deep brown eyes?
Will I be attracted to a familiar stranger in my classes?
Will I fall in love with him and kiss him passionately in an act of accidental incest?
Have you told your wife?
Have you told your partner?
What about your children?
Have you told your brothers and sisters about their mysterious niece?
Are you dead?
Will you ever read this?
Have you dismissed it as something in your past that you did to make ends meet?
Did they pay you to give me away?
What did you spend the money on?
Did you buy a sparkly necklace for your ex-girlfriend?
Did you buy books?
(The bank you went to would have paid you half of my College Algebra book for the donation that included me).
Did you buy a candy bar at a gas station?
Was I worth it?
Do you miss me?
Do you ever think of me?
Do I even cross your mind?
Does the uncertainty drive you crazy?
Was it worth it?
Do you wonder when my birthday is?
What color gown I wore to my graduation?
Would you be proud to know I was the Valedictorian of my senior class?
Would you support that I am Christian?
Would you even want me in your life?
I want you in mine.
I will accept anything about you, if I could just get the privilege of knowing who you are, of knowing who my family is.
Dr. Brown also quotes a study entitled “My Daddy’s Name is Donor: A New Study of Young Adults Conceived through Sperm Donation.” In that study it found that kids who were conceived via artificial insemination with sperm from a donor were far more likely to be delinquent and substance abusers. Not only that, in the questionnaire it had the statement: “My sperm donor is half of who I am”. Almost two-thirds of young people agreed with this statement. I guess we can understand why the writer of the above poem struggled with the news that her father is unknown and, most likely, doesn’t even know that she exists.
This leads me to the question of the title…What are sperm donors really donating? It seems to me from this study and anonymousus.org that these people are donating heartbreak, lies, and pain. They are donating uncertainty, identity crises, and chaos in a child’s life. Yet, even through all the pain and uncertainty these kids can rely on a true father; the father of the fatherless! Psalm 68: 4-5 says:
Sing to God! Sing praises to his name!
Exalt the one who rides on the clouds!
For the Lord is his name!
Rejoice before him!
He is a father to the fatherless
and an advocate for widows.
God rules from his holy palace. -NET
This issue, among many others, has become a serious problem in our society. I pray that people will be outspoken against this hurtful practice and I pray that Christians will be bold to point these young people to the God that can make them whole.
Thanks for reading.